Dear Boyfriend,
I would like to apologize in advance for any actions that may take place this weekend on the bachelorette trip I am taking, but seriously…we haven’t had sex in two months, and we LIVE together. Maybe soon you’ll get your “groove” back…

- horny girlfriend

Dear Cristi, Kelly, Lauren, Heather 1, Heather 2, Heather 3, Dava, Stephanie, Monica, Amanda, Mandi, Tara, & Stacey -

Sorry I kept it under wraps and now y’all have herpes.  When I drink I just can’t resist.  I’ll do my best to control it in the future …. for others.

- Albert

To all the guys I’ve been with and all the ones in the future,

Sorry I’m too selfish and insecure to tell you I have herpes.  I’ll never tell, sorry, I just can’t.

- Toni

To my girlfriend,

Sorry I lied about all the sex I’ve had with other girls, even though you asked me directly.  Also, I may have exaggerated about that whole “me wearing a condom thing”

- Anonymous

European study abroad boyfriend,
Sorry you flew 5,000 miles with a $1,000 plane ticket to see me, and when you got here, I broke up with you for another guy. But really….isn’t Austin a fun place?

- TG

Dear Girls,

Sorry you never have orgasms during sex, really, it’s all about me anyways and you take too long…


Dear Vampire Fans,
Sorry I ruined an entire genre.

- Stephanie Meyer


Don’t be pissed at me because your dog cannot hold his liquor!  All I gave him was four whiskey soaked slices of bread, and he proceeds to puke all over your room.  Really, really weak stuff man.  Sorry your dog is a lightweight.  He’s three years old!  That’s 21 in dog years.

- Jay


Sorry I had sex with your wife. Well, actually, I’m not sorry at all. Hell, I was laying her before you two even met. Really, it’s just things going back to normal.  Anyway, you’ll probably never find out, but if she gets preggers she’s all yours.

- D-Money

Dear Randon European Chick,

Sorry for not pulling out.  I know I told you that I would, but you’re super hot, I live in a different country, and you don’t know my real name.  Come on, anyone would have done the same.

- Jeff


I drove home hammered drunk last night. Again. Sorry.

- anonymous

Dear innocent bible study girl,
Sorry I stole your boyfriend in the 9th grade Jenny.  You were nice. But seriously…I was way hotter.

- Hot Cheerleader

As you know, I went out with your best friend like two days after we broke up :(   That was lame of me and he didn’t even put out.  Sorry.

- Kristen

Jeanne,  September of last year on our date,

Sorry, we were enjoying some pizza, and I thought you had gotten some on your face.  I told you about it, so you wiped your cheek, but it was still there.  I told you to wipe again, and again, and one more time before I tried to wipe it off for you.  It turns out that pizza was actually your acne.  I wiped your cheek too hard, and the acne started oozing.  I know you saw the look on my face.  Gross… and embarrassing, for you that is.

- John K


Sorry I called you the wrong name during sex,  again.

- KP