- horny girlfriend
I would like to apologize in advance for any actions that may take place this weekend on the bachelorette trip I am taking, but seriously…we haven’t had sex in two months, and we LIVE together. Maybe soon you’ll get your “groove” back…
Dear Cristi, Kelly, Lauren, Heather 1, Heather 2, Heather 3, Dava, Stephanie, Monica, Amanda, Mandi, Tara, & Stacey -
Sorry I kept it under wraps and now y’all have herpes. When I drink I just can’t resist. I’ll do my best to control it in the future …. for others.
To all the guys I’ve been with and all the ones in the future,
Sorry I’m too selfish and insecure to tell you I have herpes. I’ll never tell, sorry, I just can’t.
To my girlfriend,
Sorry I lied about all the sex I’ve had with other girls, even though you asked me directly. Also, I may have exaggerated about that whole “me wearing a condom thing”
European study abroad boyfriend,
Sorry you flew 5,000 miles with a $1,000 plane ticket to see me, and when you got here, I broke up with you for another guy. But really….isn’t Austin a fun place?
- A GUY
Sorry you never have orgasms during sex, really, it’s all about me anyways and you take too long…
- Stephanie Meyer
Dear Vampire Fans,
Sorry I ruined an entire genre.
Don’t be pissed at me because your dog cannot hold his liquor! All I gave him was four whiskey soaked slices of bread, and he proceeds to puke all over your room. Really, really weak stuff man. Sorry your dog is a lightweight. He’s three years old! That’s 21 in dog years.
Sorry I had sex with your wife. Well, actually, I’m not sorry at all. Hell, I was laying her before you two even met. Really, it’s just things going back to normal. Anyway, you’ll probably never find out, but if she gets preggers she’s all yours.
Dear Randon European Chick,
Sorry for not pulling out. I know I told you that I would, but you’re super hot, I live in a different country, and you don’t know my real name. Come on, anyone would have done the same.
I drove home hammered drunk last night. Again. Sorry.
- Hot Cheerleader
Dear innocent bible study girl,
Sorry I stole your boyfriend in the 9th grade Jenny. You were nice. But seriously…I was way hotter.
As you know, I went out with your best friend like two days after we broke up :( That was lame of me and he didn’t even put out. Sorry.
- John K
Jeanne, September of last year on our date,
Sorry, we were enjoying some pizza, and I thought you had gotten some on your face. I told you about it, so you wiped your cheek, but it was still there. I told you to wipe again, and again, and one more time before I tried to wipe it off for you. It turns out that pizza was actually your acne. I wiped your cheek too hard, and the acne started oozing. I know you saw the look on my face. Gross… and embarrassing, for you that is.