Dear Upstairs Neighbors/Friends,
Sorry about last night. And all the other nights you have probably heard us having sex. This is an old building and we have a flimsy bed. We did try to put a pillow behind the headboard to keep from waking your kids. But we happily ignore their pattering little feet and . . . it’s your fault for moving them into the room right above us anyway.

- S & N

Dear Church Secretary,

Sorry I stole that dollar off your desk.  I was a fat kid and wanted some candy.  Take comfort in the fact you helped me out!  I also asked GOD to forgive me, so I’m covered.

- anonymous

Dear guy who lives above me,

I’m sorry about your problem, but I think they have pills for that now. Srsly, when I heard mattress springs start creaking I expected it to last longer than a few minutes, tops.  Better luck next time.

- A

Dear Mom, Christmas when I was 8,

Sorry I cried my eyes out, all day, when you got me the ‘Crossfire’ game for Christmas. I wanted a playstation. Now that I’m older, I realize that you worked really hard just to afford that game for me.  Sorry I was such a prick.

- Chris Kelly

Dear Vagina,

Sorry I threw up in your mouth while we were making out last night.  I could never get that nerve problem under control :\

- Penis

Nascar fans,

Really, you like this?  Really?  I am sorry for you.

- anonymous

Dear Liver,

Sorry for this past summer, you’re a f^%#ing champ though!

- Lary


I’m pretty much convinced that your sister thinks I’m hot.  Sorry for my lack of morals, and what I intend to do next.

- Adam

Dear Pizza Place on the LES,
I am sorry I used your bathroom without purchasing anything.  It was an emergency pit stop, caused by the taco stand down the street.  I’m extra sorry that I broke your toilet.  If it’s any consolation, I tried to fix it before fleeing the scene, but it was rank in there, and I couldn’t stand it any longer.  Seriously sorry.

- anonymous

Dear child,
Srsly sorry for the life of privilege I have given you (private school, Louis, travel, new car, etc etc.) in a foolish attempt to give you the material things I never had as a child.  The end result is you have turned into a mean-spirited narcissistic bitch. Sorry you hate your mom and me for all the shit we do for you. I’ll try my best to stop buying and doing things for you. Srsly sorry.

- Love, Dad

Dear Kelly,

Sorry for passing out during sex last night.  I was realllllly drunk.  I’m honestly surprised I was able to get started.

- Steven

To the mother of my daughter,

I’m apologizing because it is a fundamental element of our relationship that I am always wrong.  If I was ever right then I would still apologize.  Now I’ve even done it on , sorry about that.

- Mike


I’m sorry about the accidental-anal incident that happened the last time we were f*&^ing. However, I think you enjoyed it really

- Lee

Dear Dad,

Really sorry about the time in high school when you let me borrow your 1969 Jaguar, and I nearly totaled it.  Srsly though, really cool of you to let me borrow it for my first date, but what were you thinking!  That car was way too awesome to trust to me with.

- Ethan


Sorry for calling you a lying, cheating whore and storming out, leaving you with only a camel and some hay for a few days.  Really though, your story was very difficult to believe…